


a collection of small terrors

by without_a_box



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotions, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Injury, Minor Character Death, Romance, poor poor stormtrooper, these two boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-09 17:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5549696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/without_a_box/pseuds/without_a_box
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>and then his heart skips a beat.</p><p>Inspired by “a collection of small terrors” by Natalie Wee</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. that moment in the dark before the lights come on

**Author's Note:**

> so i have seen the new star wars twice now and i am obligated to write something  
> so these are going the be some drabbles based on a poem

Finn was not unused to the darkness. He was actually quite familiar with it, considering his previous occupation in sanitation, and those helmets, and on occasion those unending moments before the transports landed on a planet.

He still dreams of flickering lights, and he thinks he can still smell the burning desert air as people run and scream, and he can feel the sand inching through his tough unforgiving armour. 

He wakes suddenly, sitting up and ignoring the way the scar stretches across his back. He can hear Poe shuffling across the room towards the light switch, it must be time for early morning training then, and then his heart skips a beat.

His fingers grip the sheets and his toes twitch. For a moment he is no longer in that room, can no longer taste the stale air of the closed room, or hear the waking bodies in the rooms surrounding him.

But he can see the shadows moving across the walls, cast by the glow of BB-8's charging station, and they terrify him

Finally Poe makes it to the wall and the light blinks to life and the world continues on.

And Finn's heart keeps on beating.


	2. saying i love you for the first time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> romance for these two clueless boys

Poe Dameron is the first beautiful thing Finn ever saw. Even when he was covered in blood, and had this wide-eyed look of panic in his eyes, he was beautiful. 

Finn owes so much of himself to Poe, because Poe gave Finn his name, his jacket, his faith. Finn only wants to give something back.

And they have just finished a mission, Poe still high on excitement and victory, flight suit half hanging off him and helmet have long since disappeared when Poe grabs Finn's face and smashes their lips together.

It is barely romantic, and kinda hurts with the teeth and all, but they are both smiling and laughing and they just want to stay there, to ignore the world around them and live in the moment they have with each other.

But then they pull away. Poe is staring at him with such wonder that after one bone-chilling, heart-stopping second, Finn can't help but utter,

"I love you."

Poe's face brightens up in a way that Finn had not even imagined possible, and his voice might have jumped a few octave waves before replying with,

"Really?"

Finn kisses him again, with a bit more passion and skill than the last, but he can still feel Poe's smile against his own, and can feel his heart racing beneath his fingertips.


	3. saying goodbye for the last time

Stormtroopers don't say goodbye. Well, Stormtroopers don't really speak often without being ordered to. But sometimes just before landing one would reach out and just touch the trooper next to them.

A silent solemn goodbye.

FN-2187 could remember a time where no one would even consider breaking formation for this unspoken event. But as the fighting between the Order and the Resistance grew more fierce, as more and more troopers were pulled from their lowly jobs, it was becoming common to see a trooper or two on every transport just touching the one next to them.

FN-2187 got pulled from his job and was placed with the ground troopers. His fellow co-workers watched with their emotionless masks as FN-2187 reported to Captain Phasma.

FN-2187 was assigned a new blaster, went through the updated ground assault training, and then was given orders for his first actual battle. 

FN-2187 joined the transport to take him to Jakku. It filled with Stormtroopers and the doors were shut tight.

Halfway to the planet FN-2187 felt the touch of FN-2003 next to him, and his heart squeezed in his chest.

Barely minutes later FN-2187 felt that touch once again. As his bloody hands stained the white helmet of his uniform.


	4. the lurch as your ankle twists on a step

‘Another day another fight.’ That’s what Poe used to say.

Used to say.

Finn is racing through the forest. The green slipping past him as he jumps over fallen branches and ducks from oncoming fire.

They’re right behind him. The white stark against the nature surrounding them. Finn was used to hiding in these types of environments now, but he couldn’t lose them.

He lost his blaster long ago; it slipped from his sweaty fingers as he ran.

He has no back-up; no one knows where he is. He can barely breathe and his heart is trying to beat out of his chest.

Just ahead he can see shelter, ruins of a civilisation long gone.

He hits the rough stone and doesn’t stop, leaping over rocks and around crumbling walls.

But the blaster fire just keeps coming, the rocks around him explore in the air.

Finn just keeps running until the stone crumbles under his step.


	5. when something unforgivable leaves your mouth

The school, Luke’s school, full of children is gone. She can see their faces; she remembers the look on Luke’s face as he found more force-sensitive children. She remembers him starting teaching. She remembers the joy it had brought him.

She remembers sending her son off with them.

She loved her child, she knew Han did too. But he always held back from him, just slightly.

She remembers telling Ben about her parents, Luke sitting right there next to her, telling Ben about their father, about both sides to Anakin’s life.

She remembers the look of wonder and curiosity as Luke told tales of the most powerful Jedi. She could see the moment Ben decided he wanted to be a Jedi.

‘He’s too much like his grandfather.’ Han murmured to her one day, watching his son play with a wooden sword, practicing lightsaber stances.

Luke is standing in front of her, trying to explain what happened, what her son had become. His face is weathered from years of stress and lose.

‘The Dark Side,’ Luke stammered out, ‘Vader.’

Leia is angry; she looks her brother right in eyes, ‘This is your fault.’


	6. a suicide letter addressed to you

To my dearest Poe,

I am so sorry I had to do this to you.

They needed me, only a skilled pilot could have completed this mission.

I am one of the best.

Take my jacket; I know you have always loved it.

It was my father’s.

I hope you understand why I had to do this, as words cannot explain why I would leave you like this.

I am sorry I cannot watch you grow up and become the brave handsome man I believe you will become.

Have courage and fight for your beliefs. Don’t let anyone bring you down. Trust in your heart.

Don’t let your father despair without me.

I want you to know how much I love you.

I am so sorry Poe

Love Mother.


	7. missed appointments/ birthdays/phonecalls/exams

Han never knew how to stick around. He lived a very drop and run kind of life. Of course that was all before he met Luke.

Before he met Leia.

But sometimes a job would come up or some other opportunity that he just couldn’t miss.

He knew that Leia thought he would stop when she become pregnant. Not that they had planned it or anything, both of them had been scared to bring a child into a galaxy like this.

At first he stayed. How could he abandon his child like his parents before him?

And Leia was busy all the time, a new darkness was rising from the leftovers of the Empire, and someone had to lead the resistance.

But he slowly started drifting, and missing things.

He missed Ben’s 5th birthday.

Resistance meetings.

Luke’s calls to help him search.

He missed Ben’s turn to the Dark Side.

He didn’t miss the look in Leia’s eyes, or her harsh words when the news finally reached him.

“If you’re not going to stay, why do you even come back?”


	8. remembering the people you almost became

FN-2187 wasn’t a bad shot. He had a certain talent at picking things up quickly. He made a good soldier, a good trooper.

But in training he always flinched before attacking his peers. Just slightly, but enough that someone finally picked up on it.

So they moved him to sanitation. They couldn’t have a weak trooper on the field.

In the Resistance he doesn’t flinch before shooting. Though he always had a nagging voice at the back of his head.

‘What are you doing? These are your co-workers. These are your friends. This is you.’

And sometimes in the dark of night he holds Poe close to him after a battle, and the whispers of ‘traitor’ follow him home.

‘What did I almost become? Why did I fight for them? What did I do to become one of them?’

And Poe holds him and murmurs sweet nothings into his ear until his heart slows and drifts off to sleep.


	9. the sudden realisation that you are not alone

Someone had blasted a hole through his leg. Not for the first time of course. He had spent a good part of his life fighting in the Resistance. 

‘A family tradition’ he liked to joke, never telling them how that ended for them.

So he’s hiding, all alone, trying to stop the bleeding. He knows basic first aid, he can do this.

Tears strips off his shirt to wrap around the wound, presses down. He’s holding the sleeve of his new leather jacket to stop himself from screaming.

He had to get a new jacket; he gave his last one to Finn.

Which Finn then got all torn up in some stupid fight. What an idiot.

Poe loved him for that.

He had slowed the bleeding, that’s good, he can’t go dying on some backend planet, what would people think of him?

He starts digging through his bag, trying to find his communicator, gotta let someone know where he is. Send someone to get him, maybe Finn. What he wouldn’t give to see Finn again.

He finds the device, sends out a message, good, now he just has to wait, they’ll get there soon, they couldn’t just abandon him, he is the best damned pilot in the Resistance.

A couple minutes later he hears footsteps. His heart skips a beat. They can’t have found him yet.

Then he hears the sound of a crackling lightsaber.

Poe is very truly screwed.


	10. the sudden realisation that you are all alone

He defected. He betrayed the organization that raised him, that he had given his life and loyalties to. He gave up his entire life.

What the fuck was he thinking?

Of course he is still in the process of betraying them.

He is leading the rebel away from his cell, and then pushing him into a spare room.

He takes off his helmet; he wants to look him straight in the eyes.

And shit, this guy really believes him, and trusts him.

Holy crap, they just stole a TIE fighter, and he is blowing shit up.

‘FN-what?’ He is confused. ‘I’m calling you Finn.’

Fuck, he has a name now.

‘Did you see that?’ He is shouting, he is so excited, heart beating a mile a minute.

‘Yeah!’ He can hear the joy in his voice

And he is flying him back to Jakku, this guy is a fucking idiot.

And now they are crashing.

He wakes up in the desert, he is hot and his armour is filled with sand.

He pulls the jacket out of the fighter, trying to find Poe, to find this guy that helped him escape, that gave him a name and the slightest fucking chance at getting away from the Order.

The TIE fighter sinks and he is all alone.


End file.
